Character Overview

"My responsibility is to myself."
Played by Gale Harold


PROFILE

BRIAN KINNEY: The bad boy. Hot...no, the hottest man in Pittsburgh. Smart, successful, devastatingly honest and sexy as hell, he can have any of the gorgeous men Pittsburgh has to offer... and probably already has.

EARLIEST AMBITION: To be young and hot forever.

MOST RECENT AMBITION: To be young and hot forever.

BIGGEST FEAR: Growing old.

BIGGEST OBSTACLE TO A RELATIONSHIP: Obsessed with being young and hot forever.

FAVORITE FOOD: A perfectly aged filet mignon...rare and bloody.

GUILTY PLEASURE: Watching Justin sleep.

FAVORITE MUSIC: Beethoven to Bowie. Anything that can pump the blood so he can pump...whatever the hell he's pumping.

THE LOOK OF HIS LAIR: Minimalist furniture, hi-tech infrastructure, glass block room dividers. It's all about the bed and the shower -- places where he performs his favorite activities -- and we ain't talkin' Scrabble.

THINGS THAT BUG THE HELL OUT OF BRIAN: People telling him "no." Aging. Whiny people. Mediocrity in anything. Difficult zippers on other guys' pants. People who forget to leave when he's finished with them. Anyone who or anything that might hurt Michael or Justin.

BOOK OR MAGAZINE HE COULDN'T LIVE WITHOUT ON A DESERT ISLAND: Atlas Shrugged.

FAVORITE OLD TV CHARACTER: Jonathan Steed in "The Avengers."

WHAT'S ALWAYS IN HIS REFRIGERATOR: Poppers - to heat himself up, and Evian -- to cool himself off.


BRIAN'S STUFF

Favorite Music
  1. Fatboy Slim - Halfway Between The Gutter and The Stars (Astralwerks)
  2. Junior Vasquez - Twilo, Vol. 1: Junior Vasquez (Virgin)
  3. Moby - I Like To Score (Stumm)
  4. The Orb - Orblivion (Island)
  5. Roni Size - Replica: The Remix Album (Mercury)
  6. The Crystal Method - Comin' Back (Outpost)
  7. Aphex Twin - Selected Ambient Works, Vol. 2 (Sire)
  8. Sasha - Global Underground - San Francisco (Thrive)
  9. Various Artists - Trance Atlantic Vol. 1 & 2 (Volume)
  10. Jam & Spoon - Tripomatic Fairytales 2001(Epic)
Favorite Movies
  1. Less Than Zero
  2. The Matrix
  3. Wall Street
  4. American Psycho
  5. Dirty Dancing
  6. The Breakfast Club
  7. The Outsiders
  8. Rumble Fish
  9. The Crow
  10. Trainspotting
Favorite Books
  1. Robert Mapplethorpe: Pictures by Robert Mapplethorpe
  2. Bottoms Up! The Total-Body Workout from the Bottom Up from Cellulite to Sexy - In 24 Hours by Joyce L. Vedral (Unopened... a joke gift from the guys)
  3. The Cluetrain Manifesto : The End of Business As Usual by Christopher Locke, et al.



BRIAN'S INBOX

05 | 06 | 07 | 08 | 09 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22

01-07-01 - Episode 5

From: Mnovotny@QMART.COM
TO: BRIANK@Pittserv.COM

Hey Brian:

Man, I totally screwed up the date last night. I was an embarrassment to the clothes you lent me. If Hugo Boss were dead he'd be rolling in his grave. (He's still alive, right?) You're right, dating is the most stupid thing in the world. Doctor Dave didn't even want to fool around! Aren't all dates supposed to end in sex? I guess he didn't like me. God, this sucks. Anyway, I'll drop the clothes off after I clean them. Leather is wash and wear, right. J kidding. Hey, how'd last night go? Hope you didn't go through with "it". But if you did, it's okay. Woody's later?

Michael

To: Mnovotny@Pittserv.com
From: BrianK@Pittserv.com

Mikey:

Don't worry about your date. If he didn't immediately rip off your clothes (my clothes rather) he's not worthy of you. Forget him. He's probably too old. You are so much better than that. As far as my "encounter" - didn't happen. Closet cases are so pathetic. Let that be a lesson to you. See you later at Woody's. Don't worry about getting the clothes back right away. You clean up damn well, you know that?

B.

To: BrianK@Pittserv.com
From: ArtGirrrl@yoohoo.com

Hey:

Just wanted to say it was good to finally see you last night. Watching you hold Gus was really special. Showed me a side of you I've never seen. You're going to be a great father -- whether you like it or not. Talk tomorrow. Next time PLEASE be on time for dinner.

Hey, you interested in learning how to change diapers?

Lindsay

To: ArtGirrrl@yoohoo.com
From: BrianK@pittserv.com

In your last e-mail you wrote:

-----You interested in learning how to change diapers?-----

Uh ... No.

B.

P.S. sorry about missing dinner.

To: BrianK@pittserv.com
From: Godzillatool@pittserv.com

Hey. Had a good time last night. Sort of quick. You forgot to give me your number. Was wondering if you'd want to do a repeat and spend a little more time?

John

To: GodzillaTool@pittserv.com
From: BrianK@pittserv.com

-----User no longer accepts e-mail from this address-----

To: BrianK@pittserv.com
From: FashionViktim@pittserv.com

Brian:

Brian, darling! Didn't see you out last night. Babylon missed you. There's always a void when you're not there. It's like Paris without the Eiffel Tower, New York without the Empire State Building, Seattle without the Space Needle...anyway you get the phallic imagery. No need to go on. Hope to see you at Woody's later. Bye.

Emmett

01-21-01 - Episode 6

From: BoyComix@Pittserv.com
TO: BRIANK@Pittserv.COM

Hey, just wanted to say thanks for last night. You seemed a little pissed off. Did something happen with your friend, the other comic book geek? I think his name's Michael? He's in the store all the time. Obsessed with Captain Astro and the Green Lantern. (I'm a Sandman guy myself.) You guys aren't boyfriends are you? Hope everything's cool, don't want to cause any drama. Give me a shout if you want a repeat...but next time I wouldn't mind kissing you, or at least engaging with the upper part of your body. :) Oh, I left my favorite baseball cap at your place. What if I stop by later this afternoon and pick it up and maybe we can mess around again too?

xxoo
Rich

To: BoyComix@Pittserv.com
From: BrianK@Pittserv.com

Don't stop by. Very busy this week. Send your address and I'll have my secretary fed-ex your cap. To be honest, as a rule, I don't do repeats. It's not personal...you were very enjoyable ... but it's...well...not personal.

B.

To: BrianK@Pittserv.com
From: BoyComix@Pittserv.com

You really are an asshole. You can toss the hat. I have another.

R.

To: BrianK@pittserv.com
From: JustinTime@pittserv.com

Brian:

Guess what! Somebody bought my drawing of you for $100! Pretty cool, huh? Probably somebody's who been obsessed with you, and this is the closest they'll get to having you. But I'm just stoked that someone liked it enough to buy it. Maybe I do have a future as an artist. By the way, thanks for coming to the art show. Lindsay said you might not, but I knew you would. Sometimes I think your friends don't know you as well as I do. Oh, my mom's acting kind of weird again. Don't think she liked the drawings a whole lot - she's used to me drawing trees and bowls of fruit, not pictures of hot naked men. Just pray she doesn't tell my dad. Hey, next time I see you I'm going to have a huge surprise for you! No hints.

Justin

To:Mnovotny@Qmart.com
From: BrianK@pittserv.com

Mikey:

Hope things went okay with your Chiropodist Daddy. Sorry about last night. Just being protective. Ended up tricking out with... can't remember his name ... works at that comic book store you always go to? Met him with you the other day? Always wears a baseball cap? Anyway, it was hot, what I remember of it. He promised me he'd give you a discount next time you go in. Hold him to it.

B.

To: BrianK@pittserv.com
From: Mnovotny@Qmart.com

Brian:

It's okay. Don't worry about it. But I don't need your protection. And I don't need you to whore your way to discounts for me...but I appreciate it anyway. By the way ... David is A) not my "daddy" and B) a chiropractor not a chiropodist - frankly, I'm a little surprised you knew the word. Been tricking with a foot fetishist? Let's get together after work for drinks with the guys. And, since you already mentioned it, how much of a discount?

Michael

01-28-01 - Episode 7

FROM: Artgrrrl@yoohoo.com
TO: BrianK@pittserv.com
RE: Hey from Lindsay and Gus.

How ya feeling today? You're the only man I know that even looks perfect bruised and bleeding. Try to take it easy until you're totally over the concussion. Oh, guess what! I swore Gus said your name today...actually it was more like "Bah-in" so it might have been "Barn" ... but why would he say "barn"? Do we have a budding farmer on hand? Melanie said he's far too young to say his first words and it was probably just a belch -- but you know how Melanie gets. Maybe Gus and I'll come over and visit later. You home?

Lindsay

FROM: BrianK@Pittserv.com
TO: Arrtgrrrl@yoohoo.com
RE: no subject

Don't even mention the word Farmer around Gus. My son's either going to be President or a world class gigolo in Monte Carlo - maybe both. Would love to see you ... but call first I might be having a guest to help me get over my accident - sort of like a home care attendant with a very large tongue depressor. Talk later.

Brian

FROM: FashunViktim@pittserv.com
TO: BrianK@Pittserv.com
RE: Hey From Emmett

Hey, Brian. What was up last night? What did you and David talk about when you two were dancing? Needless to say, it surprised all of us. Not to pry but we all care about Michael, and don't want anything to spoil this for him. Anyway, sorry if this seems like none of my business, but just trying to be a caring friend.

Emmett

FROM: BrianK@pittserv.com
TO: FashunViktim@pittserv.com
RE: no subject

You're right. It's none of your business. And no one cares more about Michael than me.

B.

FROM: Thumper8x6@pittserv.com
TO: Brain4now@pittserv.com
RE:

Hey...saw your profile on line and wanted to send you my pic and see if you want to hang out later today. My stats are accurate give or take an inch. I guess you've guessed I'm the one on the right in the pic... (The woman is my mother J.) The photo is a couple of years old when we visited Branson, MO. - Have you been there? Anyway, I look pretty much the same as the photo, except I have a goatee now, and shaved my chest, and my hair is shorter and a little thinner, and I probably have gained about 5-15 pounds (mostly muscle). Let me know.

Thumper

FROM: BrianK@pittserv.com
TO: Thumper8x6@pittserv.com
RE:

I'd tell you to scan a new pic and send it, but I don't do guys who send pics of their mother over the internet.

B.

FROM: Mack9x9@pittserv.com
TO: Brian4now@pittserv.com
RE: Sex

Brian:

Check me out.

Mack

FROM: Brian4now@pittserv.com
TO: Mack9x9@pittserv.com
RE: no subject

Mack:

You may have forgotten that you tried this before with me - Last year for 5 minutes before I threw you out on your ass for using someone else's pic? Now you're sending graphically enhanced pictures of your (or someone else's) equipment ... using an older version of Photoshop - I work in advertising, so you can't pull that crap with me. Look, why don't you just try and fish with your own (non-digitally-enhanced) bait ... but not in my pond. K?

B.
02-04-01 - Episode 8

FROM: BRIANK@Pittserv.com
TO: artgrrrl@yoohoo.com

Lindsey:

Sorry, I couldn't make it over to see you and Gus last night. Tried to get rid of Justin at his parents, but his father was...how can I say it...a maniac. So, I'm stuck babysitting for a while longer. I promise you one thing -- I'll never be like Justin's Dad no matter how Gus turns out. Or like my dad for that matter.

FROM: artgrrrl@yoohoo.com
TO: BRIANK@Pittserv.com

Brian:

Justin is staying with you again?!!! You're not going soft on us are you? (Hopefully, you are.) Probably good you didn't come over last night. Gus was feeling a little sick...I don't think it's anything serious. Mel and I were kind of crabby too, which is normal these days. (Ugh!) Let's see if we can hook up for five minutes this week, could use some Bri-Time so I can spill my guts while you ignore me and check out boys. I suppose in some ways this is comforting - probably some repressed WASP thing where even though I want to express my inner turmoil, I don't want anyone to really be listening.

Love,
Lindsay and Gus

FROM: Mnovotn@Pittserv.com
TO: BRIANK@Pittserv.com

Hey, sorry you couldn't stay at the party last night. It was nice...even if I'm going to have to pretend I'm straight for the next 20 years. Thanks for talking and being supportive, as always. I don't know what I'd do if you weren't there. Anyway, hope everything's okay with whatever - or whoever - you were doing last night. David and I are going to be hanging out tonight, so I won't be able to get together later, but let's talk on the phone.

Michael

FROM: BRIANK@Pittserv.com
TO: Mnovotny@Pittserv.com

Mikey:

How's it going Mister Manager? Sorry, I couldn't stay for the party. Some drama I had to take care of with the Boy Wonder. David again? Thought s omething might have happened between you two. Why wasn't he at your party last night? Thought he may have retired to Rainbow Acres home for geriatric queers. Anyway, let's get together before you see the Doc. Or am I off-limits?

Call me
B

FROM: Mnovotny@Pittserv.com
TO: BRIANK@Pittserv.com

No. You're not off limits. I'll see how I can arrange my schedule to see you before I meet with David ... but promise me you won't get me twisted, or in anyway arrange to make me late for my date.

Michael

FROM: BRIANK@Pittserv.com
TO: Mnovotny@Pittserv.com

Word of honor -- you will be (mostly) sober and on time for your date. Would I ever do anything to stop you from meeting your True Love? (Well, maybe I'd hide his false teeth.)

B.

FROM: HotlantaHunk@gaol.com
TO: Brian4now@pittserv.com

Brian:

Hey there sweetie! Jus' wanted to tell you what a Deee-licious time I had the other night. Be back in Pittsburgh in about a month and would love a second helping! Yum! You're sweeter than sweet potato pie dipped in molasses! Hey, you also should feel free to come down to Atlanta anytime, and I'll show you some real Southern homo-hospitality! Ever been to a Phoenix Rising party?

Donald (the Guy from Atlanta you met at Woody's- just a reminder ;) I know how you Northern boys can be.)

02-11-01 - Episode 9

FROM: Mnovotny@Pittserv.com
TO: BrianK@Pittserv.com
RE: Feeling better?

Brian:

Hope you're feeling better today. Don't let your Dad get to you. I remember you telling me once that one of the things we had in common was that neither of us had a dad. I didn't get it until I started to see how your dad was with you. Now I know what you mean. Anyway, I'm always there for you.

FROM: BrianK@Pittserv.com
TO: Mnovotny@Pittserv.com
RE: Drinks

Mikey:

Drinks. Woody's. 6:30. I'm buying. Invite the other two.

B.

FROM: Arrrtgirl @Pittserv.com
TO: BrianK@Pittserv.com
RE: no subject

Brian:

We HAVE to talk.

Lindsay.

FROM: BrianK@Pittserv.com
TO: Arrrtgirl@Pittserv.com
RE: no subject

Lindz:

So... talk. Better yet ... call me.

B.

FROM: Pitts9x6@Pittserv.com
TO: BrianK@pittserv.com
RE: Online conversation

Hey, talked the other night online. Really want to get with you again. You got a pic of that butt? Please send.

Pitts9x6

FROM: BrianK@Pittserv.com
TO: Pitts9x6@Pittserv.com
RE:

Who the hell is this? I never cruise under this name...Is this Ted?

02-18-01 - Episode 10

FROM: Mnovotny@Pittserv.com
TO: BrianK@Pittserv.com
RE: Woody's T'nite?

Brian:

Thanks for talking last night. Feeling a bit better. Guess I'll live through being dumped... I think. Feels like crap. What you doing tonight? Woody's? Hey, you have any of that "stuff" we did together on the turnpike? Strong stuff. Fun. Maybe you and I can meet up first.

FROM: BrianK@Pittserv.com
TO: Mnovotny@Pittserv.com
RE: The Clock Ticks!

Mikey:

I knew you'd recover quickly. My Palm Pilot alarm just went off informing me that my best friend's 30th birthday is next week! Since you only have another week to live, I think we better paint the town this weekend... you know I won't be SEEN with you once you pass 30. Call later.

B.

FROM: Mnovotny@Pittserv.com
TO: BrianK@Pittserv.com
RE: The Clock Ticks! (Shut up)

Brian:

I swear if you remind ANYONE I will kill you! I don't want to know myself. Was thinking of taking massive quantities of Tylenol PM. and sleeping through the entire horror. AND let me remind you that if I'm turning 30, SO ARE YOU!

M.

FROM: BrianK@Pittserv.com
TO: Mnovotny@Pittserv.com
RE: My birth certificate lies

Mikey: My dear old - OLD - friend. I will NEVER be 30. I lied to you these past 16 years; I was only 8 when you met me... needless to say I was very advanced for my age. Okay, we'll both keep it quiet. See you tonight... and yes I got the stuff from the Turnpike.

B.

FROM: BrianK@pittserv.com
TO: Arrrtgirl@yoohoo.com, TedAccount@Pittserv.com, FashunViktim@Pittserv.com
RE: Michael's Birthday

Hey, guys: Don't know if you remember, but my Palm Pilot just reminded me that next week is Mikey's 30th. (Perhaps the saddest day of his life.) Any ideas how we might emphasize his demise? Ted - since you're the voice from the grave here - you got any ideas?

Brian

FROM: Arrrtgirl@YooHoo.com
TO: Brain4now@pittserv.com
RE: Michael's Birthday

Brian: Wow... nice of you to remember something. J Kidding... I know how important Mikey is to you, and I don't mean to be bitchy... well, not much. Anyway, why don't you throw him a party! I'll help. (Gus sends a big wet and snotty kiss)

Lindz

FROM: TedAccount@Pittserv.com
TO: Brain4now@pittserv.com
RE: Michael's Birthday

Brian: How could we possibly forget that Michael's - GASP - entering the village of the trolls that time forgot. At first I thought we HAVE TO THROW A PARTY... but then I thought he probably wants to keep it low key - especially since his breakup with David and all. (No matter what you think - it was important to him.) Maybe we should just have a nice dinner downtown or something small like that. Appreciate you thinking of me... or did you just mass mail all your non-sex partners on your list.

Ted

FROM: FashunViktim@Pittserv.com
TO: Brain4now@pittserv.com
RE: Michael's Birthday

Brian: I say we rent out a stadium, decorate it in violet balloons and glitter and give Michael the party of his life... complete with flying in the Rockette's and giant birthday cake decorated with the entire cast of "Schindler's Fist."

Emmett

FROM: AristotleJock8@Pittserv.com
TO: Brain4now@pittserv.com
RE: Get together?

Hey Brian: You gave me your card the other day - I always prefer e-mail - I'm bi and have a girlfriend. If you don't remember, my name's Dennis... we met outside the Brooks Brother's store. 6 ft, 180, blondish hair, blue eyes Russian-Jewish guy... Karate instructor... I was trying on that suit and we cruised each other in the mirror? Anyway, you stopped me and said you didn' t work far away. I work in the same tower of the store. Would love to get together and check things out... if it's cool... maybe something more. Let me know.

Dennis

FROM: Brain4now@pittserv.com
TO: AristotleJock8@Pittserv.com
RE: Lunch Meet

Dennis: I remember. Call me, today. No need to check anything out. It's all good. Trust me. Lunch... 12 noon tomorrow... Meet me in the 6th floor bathroom of your office tower.

Brian

FROM: MeMagoo9@Pittserv.com
TO: Brain4now@pittserv.com
RE: Wanna meet tomorrow for lunch?

Brian: This is Tony. We met outside the Brooks Brother's store. You were talking to some tall blond guy - I guess he was someone you worked with -- You cruised me? Remember? I'm about 5'8, gymnast build, Italian. You slipped me your card? Anyway, I work in the business tower there, and was wondering if you wanted to have lunch sometime? We can talk and maybe go on a date or something. Talk soon. I hope.

Tony

FROM: Brain4now@pittserv.com
TO: MeMagoo9@Pittserv.com
RE: Lunch Meet

I remember. Call me, today at that number. No need to talk. It's all good. Trust me. Lunch... 12:30 tomorrow... Meet me in the 6th floor bathroom... NO... make that the 7th floor bathroom of your office tower

Brian

02-25-01 - Episode 11

FROM: Artgrrrl@yoohoo.com
TO: BrianK@Pittserv.com
RE: The party last night

Hey, I know you must feel like a jerk today after what happened at the party last night. I'm sorry to say it, but I think you need to realize you can't get away with behaving that way. It even seemed harsh for you. That said, if you need to talk, feel free to call. Gus says "hi."

Love you, Lindsay

FROM: BrianK@Pittserv.com
TO: Artgrrrl@yoohoo.com
RE:

Thanks. I guess people do some things that other people won't ever understand. The important thing is Mikey will be very happy with Doctor Dave. It really was time we got on with our lives.

B.

FROM: Devildogg@Hotguy.com
TO: BrianK@Pittserv.com
RE: Hook Up

Saw your profile online. I'm in Pittsburgh on business from North Carolina. (Originally from Cleveland - Go Indians! You sound like my type. I'm 5' 11" gym body, beautiful green eyes, work out 5xweek, incredibly hot... not just my opinion. Like it mild to wild. You can check out my pic on the link at the bottom of my profile. It's new. Took it last week at a party in Atlanta. It's all me.

Dave.

FROM: BrianK@Pittserv.com
TO: Devildogg@Hotguy.com
RE:

Not interested.

FROM: UnusuallyBIG@Pittserv.com
TO: BrianK@pittserv.com
RE: Brian! Finally free to do it!

Hey, Brian,

This is Dirk. We met at the Winter Party last year? I'm 5'10", really muscular, masculine guy, black hair, blue eyes... really big where it counts... Actually, you may remember I was the porn star signing autographs at the welcome booth at the front of the tent? My porn name is Guy Slammer? We couldn't hook up because I was sort of dating that guy sitting next to me? Anyway, you said if I was ever in Pittsburgh to look you up. Well, I'm here for my cousin Rene's wedding. (Yawn.) I would love to skip out of the reception and give you my own version of a receiving line... You up for it? I got party favors?

Dirk (aka Guy)

FROM: Brain4now@pittserv.com
TO: UnusuallyBIG@Pittserv.com
RE:

Sorry, not interested.

03-04-01 - Episode 12

FROM: Artgrrrl@yoohoo.com
TO: BrianK@Pittserv.com
RE: Michael Brian:

Just heard that Mikey and you are talking. So glad. The world seemed out of balance with the two of you apart. Speaking of apart... you have time for coffee? Mel and I are having some problems lately. Wanna talk to someone other than Gus about it. Let me know.

Lindz

FROM: BrianK@Pittserv.com
TO: Artgrrrl@yoohoo.com
RE: Coffee

Sure. Call me. We'll do coffee, before I have my "date" with... forgot his name... but I have a date at 7 with someone... just call me.

B.

FROM: DougB@adagency.com
TO: BrianK@Pittserv.com
RE: New Guy

Brian:

Hey, not sure if you met him yet, but there's this new hottie working in the creative department. Ryder hired him about two months ago. Name's "Kip" or "Ken" or some short name like that. Not sure if he's gay or straight... but I'm sure you'll find out soon enough. Your "gaydar" is so much better developed than mine. Let me know if you're passing off your leftovers.

Doug, (The guy in human resources you met at the White Party last year)

FROM: BrianK@Pittserv.com
TO: DougB@adagency.com
RE: Inappropriate e-mails

Doug:

A) I don't remember you, and B) NEVER send me e-mail like that again. This is a business and not a party.

Brian Kinney

FROM: Elliot@Ptownprops.com
TO: BrianK@pittserv.com
RE: Your P. Town Rental

Dear Mr. Kinney:

Just wanted to remind you that it's time to choose your summer rental here in Provincetown. Do you and your friends want the same three-bedroom unit on Shank Painter Road again or would you be interested in one of the luxury condo units we have out by the beach? We have one available with a Jacuzzi... and if I remember correctly we had a pretty nice time in mine last year. (Don't mention this personal note. My boss will kill me. But, BOY HOWDY, you were fun! Hope we can do it again.) So, please let me know as soon as possible about your needs for this coming summer.

Yours,

Elliot (My home number is below.)

03-11-01 - Episode 13

FROM: BrianK@Pittserv.com
TO: Ryder@Pittserv.com
RE: Bahamas Trip

Was wondering if I can skip out on the last day of the Liberty Air meeting next weekend in the Bahamas? Seems Sunday is just recreation unrelated to the marketing retreat, and the upper level management won't even be there. Was thinking about flying over to Miami for Saturday night and visit my elderly Aunt Tina I have who lives in South Beach. Is that okay?

Brian

FROM: Ryder@Pittserv.com
TO: BrianK@Pittserv.com
RE: Bahamas Trip

Dear Brian:

Per your request about the Liberty Air retreat...let's talk later today. By the way, per your "family trip to South Beach"...can the crap, Kinney. I know you don't have any Aunt Tina, and I've seen South Beach before, so I know "your team" parties there. But, hold everything, until later this afternoon.

Yours,

Ryder

FROM: KipperMAN8@Pittserv.com
TO: BrianK@Pittserv.com
RE: none

Dear Mr. Kinney:

By now, I assume you've gotten word of my decision to pursue legal action against you and your agency for sexual harassment. Although my attorney cautioned me against contacting you except through the court, I just want you to know your comment at Babylon was not appreciated and is further evidence of your instability. You probably have forgotten what you said since you were most likely indulging in some sort of drug. However, to remind you...you commented that I "wasn't that good...etc" - crassly referring, of course, to a certain sexual act you forced me to perform in order to keep my job. I would appreciate it if you would not spread such vicious lies...as I believe it could lead to a slander case. I assure you I can provide enough witnesses to my "lingual alacrity" who are much more honest in their dealings.

FROM: BrianK@Pittserv.com
TO: KipperMAN8
RE: correspondence

Please send future correspondence through my lawyer.

FROM: Mnovotny@Pittserv.com
TO: BrianK@pittserv.com
RE:

Bri:

Man, you sounded really out of it on the phone. I know this Kip stuff will blow over. Anyone who knows you knows you don't need - or would want to -- force anyone to have sex. Hell, you're usually batting us off. (I meant batting "them" off - a little tipsy. David's made me try some of his favorite wines.) Do you realize that there are certain bottles of wine that cost tons more than a totally perfect, original Batman comic book series (mint condition), signed by the artist? David and I were on eBay the other night. Man, does he waste his money on stupid stuff. Of course he thinks me lusting after a vintage Captain Astro decoder ring is "naïve-but-charming" - ugh, that's beginning to get old! Hey...sorry I'm yabbering on about myself...told you I was drunk. (That expensive stuff can slam ya!) If you need to talk...call me later. But don't worry, This will all blow over like all the other bad pennies and birds in the hand and...you know...stuff...ha ha...I just read what I wrote.

Nuxgwk (That's Michael spelled with different keys!) Shh. Don't tell David.

03-18-01 - Episode 14

FROM: Artgrrrl@yoohoo
TO: BrianK@Pittserv.com
RE: Babysitting Gus for Next weekend

Dear Brian:

I need a huge favor. Melanie's at her mom's next weekend, and I need someone to watch Gus while I go to a stupid teachers' conference. I'll be back on Sunday night. Would you mind doing your fatherly duty? It will be good for you to have some time alone with your son.

Love,

Lindz

FROM: BrianK@Pittserv.com
TO: Artgrrrl@yoohoo.com
RE: Babysitting Gus

Sure. Gus is my kid too. Bring Sonny-Boy over Friday or whenever you need me to start watching.

Brian

FROM: Mnovotny@Pittserv.com
TO: BrianK@Pittserv.com
RE: Leather Ball

Brian:

Glad to hear that Kip-crap (pretty funny, say it out loud) is cleared up. Are you going to the Leather Ball? I don't think I'm going. David isn't that open-minded. Actually, his kid, Hank, is coming in for the weekend. Totally freaks me out. I know he's going to hate me.

Michael

FROM: BrianK@Pittserv.com
TO: Mnovotny@Pittserv.com
RE: Leather Ball

No one could ever hate you. And I'm not going to the Leather Ball either. Looks like both of us are having sons for the weekend... and I'm not talking about Justin. Taking care of Gus for Lindz. Seems Melanie "the Muncher" is hanging with her mom down in Miami rather than taking care of Gus. Figures.

B.

FROM: 1HngLrg@Pittserv.com
TO: BrianK@pittserv.com
RE: Leather Ball

Hey, Brian:

Anniversary Time. Remember we met in the back room of the Leather Ball exactly one year ago? Hoping to celebrate again. Same corner? Remember? Doubt you could forget. Let me know. I'll be wearing a leather mask this year.

Dave S.

FROM: BrianK@pittserv.com
TO: 1HngLrg @Pittserv.com
RE: Leather Ball

Sorry. Can't remember. Which corner was it?

B.

FROM: 1HngLrg @Pittserv.com
TO: BrianK@pittserv.com
RE: Leather Ball

How many people did you "do" in a corner? Well, I guess I was at least one of four. The room is square.

FROM: BrianK@pittserv.com
TO: 1HngLrg @Pittserv.com
RE: Leather Ball

Hey, Brian:

Ooops I thought it was octagonal. Must have done laps. Can't meet you anyway.

B.

04-01-01 - Episode 15

FROM: Bill@CancerCenter.org
TO: BrianK@Pittserv.com
RE: Cancer Therapy

Dear Kinney:

Thank you for your queries about cancer therapies - both traditional and alternative. We're forwarding a package to the address you sent us. It's understandable that you are grieving at this time, and we invite you to join one of our support groups for relatives of those with cancer. Meetings take place here at the Cancer Center. If you are interested we have groups on both Monday and Wednesday nights. Contact Monica at ext. 347 if you'd like to join.

Yours,

Bill
Director of Outreach

FROM: BrianK@Pittserv.com
TO: Bill@CancerCenter.org
RE: Cancer Therapy

Thanks for the info.

B. Kinney

FROM: HOThrd4Now@Pittserv.com
TO: BrianK@Pittserv.com
RE: Hook UP

Nice profile. What are you into? Click link to see my pics. Let me know.

Tony.

FROM: BrianK@Pittserv.com
TO: HOThrd4Now@Pittserv.com
RE: NO hook up

Look "Tony"...last week you said your name was "Mike" and the week before that it was "Tom"...but it's all the same old - not too flattering - picture of you reading the newspaper in the nude: A) I don't accept headless pics, B) I don't do it with guys who send pics where I can see the date on a newspaper dated 1987 and C) I don't like guys who waste my time trying to sneak in under another name, hoping I'll be too drunk or drugged-out not to know it's the same old troll.

04-08-01 - Episode 16

FROM: Le CaptainAstro@Pittserv.com
TO: BrianK@Pittserv.com
RE:

Dear Brian:

This is Michael...I'm writing this from a little Internet store in the Latin Quarter. They have these all over Paris. David says they're all over Europe since not as many people have Internet access here as in The United States. Mostly, it's American and Canadian kids who are studying at the Sorbonne - that's the big university here. Lots of hotties too by the way. You would be a little distracted that's for sure. How do you like my new e-mail address? That's French for Captain Astro. Tired of my old e-mail address... Maybe because I feel so different about my life and myself now...like I'm a bigger, more well rounded person. David's out shopping ...one of his favorite things to do here. I'm having an incredible time...even better than I thought. Paris is amazing. We actually took a tour of the Sewers! (David didn't want to, but I sort of thought it would be cool.) It's where the Phantom of the Opera escaped in the movie. Pretty elaborate for sewers, if you ask me. (Unfortunately, they still stink like American sewers...for some reason, I thought they'd smell better.) Later tonight, we're going to the Sacre Coeur. David says it's de rigeur (that means "necessary") for a first trip to Paris. I bought you this Gay French magazine...thought you'd like to check out some guys across the ocean since you'll eventually run out of Pittsburgh's limited supply.

You don't need to write back, since I won't be able to get back to one of these places for a while. Too much to do. Remember to put my new screen name on your buddy list.

Talk soon,

Michael

FROM: Clay@BankPitt.com
TO: BrianK@Pittserv.com
RE: Your Bank Account

Dear Mr. Kinney:

I noticed you wrote your e-mail down as well as your phone number, and thought I'd drop you a note - since using the phone around here gets more scrutinized than typing an e-mail. Bankers can be very stuffy. Anyway, I'm free to "go over your account" any time before 9 p.m.. Do you have a place? Drop me a note on when you'd like to set up an appointment.

Clay

FROM: BrianK@Pittserv.com
TO: Clay@BankPitt.com
RE: My Bank Account

I'll be making my deposit after work. Will call in an hour with time and place.

B.

FROM: BrianK@Pittserv.com
TO: YvesG@HommesavecHommes.net
RE: Do you know a French guy named Guillaume?

Dear Yves:

Brian here. We hooked up at the Foam party at Babylon last summer. Sorry I never e-mailed back...swamped at work. Hope you and your boyfriend patched things up and that he no longer blames me. Anyway, was wondering if you knew a French guy in town named Guillaume? Don't remember his last name. Okay looking guy, sort of an attitude. Works at the University. Just checking because a friend of mine is getting involved with him.

Thanks.

B.

FROM: YvesG@HommesavecHommes.net
TO: BrianK@Pittserv.com
RE: Gui

Brian:

Thanks bien, for you having call me on the Internet. I am fine. How was u? Pardon, my English is very bad still. OK? Yes, Guillaume, this man I know w ell. We have the date for 6 months before in Paris, many years ago. He is...I can not think of the words. Like you, he is quite very rude...but in France this is normal. I wish you the best luck. Thanks you very much. I happy to help. Say "hi, how are you" to Gui.

In addition: contact me again on the Internet if you wish the sex encore.

Yves.

04-15-01 - Episode 17

FROM: Le CaptainAstro@Pittserv.com
TO: BrianK@Pittserv.com
RE: The other night

Dear Bri:

Sorry about how I've been behaving. I thought I'd blame it on an evil twin, but instead I'll just apologize and save the evil twin story for some other, future stupid mistake. I guess all that wine and brie must've softened my brain. Even David thought I was being a jerk. Anyway, thanks for slapping me back to reality...pretty funny that you're forgiving my arrogance for a change instead of the other way around. (I didn't mean that in a bad way.) You're a good friend as always.

Michael

FROM: BrianK@Pittserv.com
TO: LeCaptainAstro@Pittserv.com
RE: The other night

Dear Michael:

Hey. Don't sweat it. People can be assholes...it's part of life. Glad you're back on Earth.

B.

FROM: Artgrrrl@Yoohoo.com
TO: BrianK@Pittserv.com
RE: Thanks

Brian:

I don't know how I can begin to tell you how much I love you for what you did. It's not just signing your rights over to Melanie, but it was caring that she and I were back together. You basically gave me my life back. I also wanted you to know that no matter what happens, you're still Gus' father and always will be. Thanks.

Love

Lindz

FROM: BrianK@Pittserv.com
TO: Artgrrrl@Yoohoo.com
RE: Thanks

Lindz:

No Problem

B.

FROM: Legalesbo@Pittserv.com
TO: BrianK@Pittserv.com
RE: Hi from Melanie

Brian:

I know Lindsay probably already thanked you again, but I wanted to also say again how much this meant to me. Becoming the legal parent to Gus has finally made me feel like I'm truly part of this family. Anyway, I can't really express how I'm feeling. I guess it's enough to say I've definitely misread you all these years. If you ever need my help, just let me know.

Melanie

FROM: BrianK@Pittserv.com
TO: Legalesbo@Pittserv.com
RE: Hi from Melanie

No problem

B.

FROM: CaterWaiter8x6@Pittserv.com
TO: BrianK@Pittserv.com
RE: Dinner Tomorrow

Is this Brian Kinney? Saw this name in a chat room Pittm4mnow, and thought it might be you. You left before I could ask. Anyway, this is Tom, the cater-waiter from Senator Baxter's party? Had a great time with you the other night. Nice house, huh? I wanted to get your phone and info, but I got stuck cleaning up and you must have had to leave in a hurry. Anyway, would love to meet for dinner this Wednesday. Let me know.

Tom

FROM: BrianK@Pittserv.com
TO: CaterWaiter8x6@Pittserv.com
RE: Dinner Tomorrow

Dear Tom:

Dinner's not a possibility. Not available. Sorry. (By the way isn't 8x6 a little bit of an exaggeration?)

Brian

FROM: ViveleFrance9@Pittserv.com
TO: BrianK@Pittserv.com
RE: Au revoir de Guillarme

Brian:

Thank you so much for yours help. You are a conceited, obnoxious man I do not like you. I have to go back to France thanks for you. Goodbye for always.

G.

FROM: BrianK@Pittserv.com
TO: ViveleFrance9@Pittserv.com
RE: Au revoir de Guillarme

Dear Gui:

C'est la vie.

B.

04-22-01 - Episode 18

FROM: JustINtime@Pittserv.com
TO: BrianK@Pittserv.com
RE: Decision 2002

Hey Brian:

Thanks for the talk last night. Still not sure what I'm going to do...but I do know that I'm glad you care. Wanna get together later tonight? I'm getting off my shift early. Thought I could come over and make some pasta with pink sauce. Promise to clean up after myself. xxoo

Justin

FROM: BrianK@Pittserv.com
TO: JustINtime@Pittserv.com
RE: The Pink Sauce

Can't tonight. Tomorrow. After work. Be there.

B.

FROM: Outreach@SaintGerdyhosp.org
TO: BrianK@Pittserv.com
RE: Your Father

Dear Mr. Kinney:

I just wanted to introduce myself. My name's Sister Linda and I'm a home hospice worker with the Saint Gerdy's Hospice of Hope facility here in Pittsburgh. According to our records your family has not opted for the home hospice program, we would like to let you know that your insurance will provide for this option when the time comes. Hospitals are expensive, and often are quite cold and antiseptic. In these difficult times, the person who is in his/her final stages of life will often feel more comfortable at home, in a more familiar and loving environment, surrounded by his beloved family. If you would like to discuss hospice as an alternative to hospital care, please contact one of our workers at the number below. We wish you all the best and send out our heartfelt sympathies to you and your family.

Yours,

Sister Linda

FROM: BrianK@Pittserv.com
TO: Outreach@SaintGerdyHosp.org
RE: Your hospice outreach letter

Dear Sister Linda (If you even exist.):

I believe my father would prefer to be surrounded by four cases of his "beloved" beer, rather than his "beloved family." And regarding your random e-mailing of people whose relatives are dying - it's tacky. No thanks!

Brian Kinney

FROM: LeCaptainAstro@Pittserv.com
TO: BrianK@Pittserv.com
RE: Hey from Michael

Brian:

Been thinking about what you said. Was angry that you didn't say anything about David... at first. But you're right. I would have thought you just aid it to cause problems. Also having David tell me gives us a chance of really working this thing out. Once again you were there for me...just never thought it would take this form. Wanna go to Woody's tonight? I can tell you about my fabulous first attempt to cheat on David! (Don't get excited...it's so empty of sex it could play on PAX TV...during family hour.) How much of an amateur am I? Lemme know about tonight.

Michael

FROM: BrianK@Pittserv.com
TO: LeCaptainAstro@Pittserv.com
RE: Cold, Unfeeling Player School

Mikey: The Kinney Institute for Cold, Unfeeling Players would like to invite you to apply for our class of 2001. Your application package (not that sort of "package") will be available for pick up (among other things) at Woody's "Tavern" tonight at 7. However, I should warn you that you may not have the appropriate qualifications to apply...but we can see.

B.

04-29-01 - Episode 19

FROM: ClaireKinney@Pittserv.com
TO: BrianK@Pittserv.com
RE: Dad's stamp collection

Brian:

Did you take Dad's stamp collection? Mom says you didn't but I couldn't find it. I have a lot of sentimental feelings for that collection. So, if you did take it, I would like very much to have it back.

Claire

FROM: BrianK@Pittserv.com
TO: ClaireKinney@Pittserv.com
RE: stamp collection

Claire:

Didn't take the stamps. Check the pawnshops. I'm sure he probably hocked them for a few cases of beer.

Brian

FROM: LeCaptainAstro@Pittserv.com
TO: BrianK@Pittserv.com
RE: Hey

Brian:

How you feeling today? Just remember anytime you need to talk...day or night...feel free to call.

Michael

FROM: BrianK@Pittserv.com
TO: LeCaptainAstro@Pittserv.com
RE: The King of Babylon

Mikey:

Thanks. I'm fine. I wanted to remind you the King of Babylon contest is this weekend. You think grandpa will let you out to play? Doubt it, but let me know.

B.

06-10-01 - Episode 20

FROM: Pittyawards@PennAd.org
TO: BrianK@Pittserv.com
RE: Nominations

Dear Mr. Kinney:

Congratulations on your nomination. We'd like to confirm that you will be attending this year's Atlas Awards as we're arranging seating now. Nominees are allowed one guest. If you or your guest will not be attending, please call Shirley in the office before Friday, since seats are very scarce in the hall.

Thanks,

Paul, Nominee Committee Chair

FROM: BrianK@Pittserv.com
TO: Pittyawards@PennAd.org
RE: Confirm

I will be attending and will be bringing a guest.

Thanks,

Brian Kinney

FROM: Hottboyyy@Pittserv.com
TO: BrianK@Pittserv.com
RE:

Dear Brian:

Met you the other night at the "King of Babylon" contest. I was the second runner up. Guess that makes me a "Prince" or "Duke" of Babylon. Anyway, I got your e-mail address from last year's winner. He thinks we might have fun together. Let me know. I attached a picture...let me know if you need to see anything else.

Scotty, The Duke of Babylon

FROM: BrianK@Pittserv.com
TO: Hottboyyy@Pittserv.com
RE: Meeting

Dear Scotty:

Nice pic. Vivid. Buddy list me and we'll try to hook up later tonight. Personally, I think you should have at least been first runner up.

Brian

06-17-01 - Episode 21

FROM: AdamLyons@KennedyandCollins.com
TO: BrianK@Pittserv.com
RE: Sorry

Brian:

Sorry about the job thing. I was really surprised. But you never know how those schmucks come up with their decisions. Anyway, hope this doesn't hurt our chances of hooking up again. Always like getting it from an award winner. Doesn't matter where he works.

Adam

FROM: BrianK@Pittserv.com
TO: AdamLyons@KennedyandCollins.com
RE: No worries

Forget about it. Told you on the phone. Got a better offer anyway...for a number of things.

B.

FROM: LeCaptainAstro@Pittserv.com
TO: BrianK@Pittserv.com
RE:

Brian:

How ya doing? You packed yet? I haven't started, but David's being his normally over-organized self. Don't know why, but I can't get motivated for some reason. Hey, I want to take you out for YOUR 30th BIRTHDAY. Remember YOUR 30th BIRTHDAY is coming up. You're going to be 30! 30, 30, 30, 30! Face it, our 20s weren't that great anyway. Maybe 30 will be just the thing to get you to settle down. Anyway, let me know where you want to celebrate the death knell of your youth.

Xxoo

Michael

FROM: BrianK@Pittserv.com
TO: LeCaptainAstro@Pittserv.com
RE:

Up yours. Xxoo (NOT!)

Brian

FROM: BrianK@Pittserv.com
TO: HOTTBOTT@Pittserv.com
RE: Tonight

Dear Hottbott:

Saw your profile online. Party at my house every night this week. Send pic if interested. Mine's attached.

B.

FROM: BrianK@Pittserv.com
TO: HungCpl4action@Pittserv.com
RE: Action

Hey, guys. You sent me your pics about a month ago. I'm playing all week at my loft. It's my birthday. Let me know when's good for you. Pic is attached.

B.

FROM: BrianK@Pittserv.com
TO: DarkmeatPitt@Pittserv.com
RE: Playing

Dear Darkmeat:

Send pic. Playing at my place all this week. It's my birthday. Bring friends.

B.

06-24-01 - Episode 22

FROM: TuffJock@Pittserv.com
TO: BrianK@Pittserv.com
RE: Where were you?

Brian:

We were supposed to hook up last night. Did you forget? I've been calling and calling and you aren't picking up. I thought it was "definite." Is something wrong? Call me.

Chip (The guy with the penguin tattoo on his left cheek.)

FROM: LeCaptainAstro@Pittserv.com
TO: BrianK@Pittserv.com
RE: Portland

Brian:

I've changed my mind again. Going to Portland! I'll call later. Tell Justin to have a good time at the prom.

Michael

FROM: Steeltowntramps@Sexlink.net
TO: BrianK@Pittserv.com
RE: Hi

Are you horny? Click on the link below for the horniest gals in the Pittsburgh area. Coal miners daughters! Carnegie Mellon undergrads! Pittsburgh's hottest girls! They're all waiting for a guy just like you!

Tina




Source: Showtime


back